Aargh

the christmas post

2006-12-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

howdy. it's a bit late, but merry christmas to all!

christmas was a bit quiet this year, to put it mildly. there was no noche buena. just a mass, a regular dinner, then my sis and her husband and their kids went off to see the in-laws. mom, dad, and i stayed at home and did the usual--i'm in my room, she's in hers, he's in the den, watching TV. that's it. everything was morbidly dull save for the occassional merry xmas messages coming in via cellphone. (speaking of which, my cellphone is new. i think of it as my xmas gift to myself, and also as ace's xmas gift to me, since she persuaded me to buy it ^_^)

then my sis et al came home around 2:30 am. dad woke up because we were making a bunch of noise outside. that's when we decided to open our gifts, leaving only the kids' gifts under the tree. i got two bags. i am quite beside myself with joy.

dad enjoyed his gifts (maybe because he helped pick them out in the first place). i still have no gift for my niece tara and my sis. it's hard to find good gifts for them, they're both very picky. :P but my sis has an idea what she wants, and my niece just has to find a good book or the soundtrack of hannah montana.

anyway, that's about all that happened this xmas at home. the next night we went off to my aunt's but not much happened there either. i did get a shirt from my childhood friend. ^_^ earlier in the day, i got shirts from my mom and dad. (is there a pattern here?)

at any rate, let's see what the new year brings.

Tales of Insania

2006-08-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

finally, some light fare!

found a couple of interesting(?) things:

it's not very clear, but this is one of those creative little ads on the mrt, that of an gigantic biogesic pill attached to one of the safety thingies.

...apparently, someone had a major headache, because as you can see, the pill is gone.

this is a relatively new item mini-stop is selling. it's microwavable taho.

...anak ng tipaklong naman. kung ganyan ang hitsura ng model ng product mo, bibilhin mo pa ba?

...siya yung mukhang microwavable e.

****

i rediscovered the artstyle i liked in Tales of Phantasia. i realize it's quite an old game now, for a number of platforms, but the art is NIIIIICE. it sort of makes me want to draw again, but considering the slump i've been in and the fact that i've been drawing everyday for the past ten months, i'm still not in the mood, not yet at least. check out the artwork here.

that's all. see ya next time.

fly in the soup

2006-08-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

so, yeah, why is there ALWAYS a fly in the soup?

you know what i mean. it's like that alanis song, "ironic". you get the job of your dreams and it turns out there's a fly in the proverbial soup. not just one, too, i might add. nuts.

not that the work itself sucks. it's more of the politics. i thought that, well, being in an animation company--where everyone is supposed to work together as one solid unit--would somehow save me the annoyances and hassle of having to deal with office politics. i guess being pinoy may have something to do with it. we just always have to one-up everyone else. especially when you're one of the higher-ups. pardon the pun.

i guess when you're in a position of power, it's easy to feel that you deserve whatever you can steal from the rank and file.

hopefully, i'm just misguided, or maybe the rumors are wrong. although even the idealist in me can't ignore the possibility that, yeah, power corrupts. and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

but you do know what happens when there's a fly in the soup. two things: one, the fly drowns. two, the soup gets thrown into the trash.

you may be filthy rich, but hey, face it: you're still filthy. and the only way to get filthy rich is to first get filthy. no thanks. besides, you can't take money with you when you die. but you might still take your filth to the grave.

hay.

as an afterthought, heck, every company's supposed to function like one solid unit. what makes it doubly true for the animation business is everything is connected completely to each other. so...don't act like you're some kinda hotshot big boss when you don't even bother to care about your underlings. we, the rank and file, are your lifeblood.

remember, when you push these people up against a wall, you are fighting people who have absolutely nothing to lose if and when they push back. at least, even if we lose our jobs, we'll be able to find another. because, unlike you idiots who think you know everything about your company, we can actually draw. we have a talent you don't have. and we'll survive. but you...who's going to hire a buncha washed-up old coots who don't know how to do anything?

by the way, how are your kids doing? i wonder how they'd feel if papa suddenly lost his job because he didn't care about the people who actually make his money for him.

think about that.

Death Throes

2006-07-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

the human race is going to hell. i know, and the reason i know is because i watched a cat die in front of me today.

it didn't die from old age or from getting run over by some careless (or heartless) driver sent by Beelzebub to destroy the somewhat domesticated relatives of the feline family. it died because someone sent it sailing into the air from one of the parking levels of the unfinished portion of the podium, about forty or fifty feet high. it landed on its back on the gravel of the parking lot next to the podium. there it lay, most probably suffering from massive internal bleeding and a broken spine, and most definitely in horrible pain. it tried to get up but after one pathetic attempt, it slowly toppled over onto its side, writhing, letting out pitiful, agonized meows as though pleading for someone to either help it or end its suffering. after about a minute, it ceased its cries and lay still.

while all this was happening, i stood there as though compelled by some unnamed force to watch. i had seen the falling cat out of the corner of my eye, i heard the sickening crack its body made as it hit unforgiving rocks, and i was stunned. i felt sick, like something had climbed up to my throat and taken up permanent residence there.

i looked around and saw other people watching. i saw two men laughing at the dying cat. something had just died, and they were laughing.

no matter how you turn it around in your heads, there is no way you can find a good, sound reason for someone to deliberately, intentionally, and perhaps even gleefully throw a cat several stories from the ground. and i cannot fathom how anybody else could think it was amusing.

what kind of people live in this world that practice this sort of malice? what kind of people stand by and giggle while others play the devil?

how did it turn out this way? this wasn't what we were taught. this isn't what we should know.

but still, we do it. people do evil things, and they don't give a shit about it. they even find it funny.

that's how i know we're all headed straight for hell. because the devil walks among us, and when he smiles, we smile back. when he cracks a joke, we crack up laughing. and when he whispers, we bend toward him and we listen. ultimately, we obey.

we're damned. we're in our death throes, the same way that poor animal was, and we don't even know it. we're on the verge of turning the key in the gates of hell, and from the looks of things, someone down there is going to throw us a party. we've brought the chow, after all.

and if people reading this think i'm making such a big deal about a stupid old cat, think again. whoever said it was just about the cat?

it's about us.

it's about our viciousness, our capacity for cruelty and sadism.

(maybe i shouldn't be so appalled. after all, we've done countless atrocities to each other over time. the atom bomb. the biochemical weapons. the general apathy. the unjustifiable notion of our own greatness.)

and even as i feel consumed by some imagined flame of righteous anger, i know i'm not free from the devil in me. because, after i watched the cat die, after i listened to its hurt cries, i looked up at where i supposed the wretch behind the atrocity was lurking, and i was so sorely tempted to sell my soul if in return something horrible and terrifying and torturous would happen to him. i could feel a part of me in its last death throes, and all i did was walk away.

(author's note: this really did happen today. i suppose i could have put it in a less dramatic manner, but i want people to take notice. we really are a horrible species, aren't we? and i really did hope that something horrible would happen to that guy who threw the cat. i hoped that he'd get thrown off himself, and that i would be there when it happened, and God help me, i know i would just laugh at him.)

hell starts anew next week

2006-07-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

latest from pag-asa...

going to have a new quota to reach next week. from 12 sheets a day to 15. having a hard time reaching 12 as it is, but hey, gotta cope. no biggie, tho i think i'm going to have to start leaving the office a bit later than usual.

had a rather disheartening experience with my mother. yesterday i learned that i really shouldn't believe everything she says, nevermind the old saying "mother knows best." (there's a fine print beneath that line that says "depending on exactly how much she does know." ) to make a long story short, let's just say she still treats me like a highschool brat, and it's not doing anything for my self-esteem (ego, to the more realistic and sarcastic sods out there). i've done about everything i could to show her that i'm not a kid anymore, but it's simply not working.

so.

i wash my conscience off the matter. this doesn't mean i'm about to kill her, have her kidnapped, or run away to japan and leave her behind. it just means that i have to put my money where my mouth is, meaning i have to stop talking about it and start acting. i have to deal with her without any real emotion or feeling any guilt, because if i keep this up much longer, it will REALLY stunt my growth.

on to lighter matters...

GUSTO KONG GUMIMIK!!! basta yung medyo malapit sa office, ha. may mall naman dun e. and it's eastwood. lots of things happen in eastwood on fridays. i would love to watch a movie SOON. lalu na Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest. yeah, yeah, call me corny, but i want to see that movie. it's good for a lot of laughs and hopefully some great adventures. seeing how boring and grounded our lives can be, it's good to go back in time and imagine how life would have been as the "rockstar" of that era. eternal dreamers, give me a call!

anyways, that's about it for now. going to hand over my pc to my sister and my niece. see ya.

i HATE bangungots.

2006-06-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

the title says it all.

i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt i was in some building, out in the hallway. there were sleeping mats everywhere, and my friends ace and mike were there. we were obviously getting ready for some sleepover of epic proportions, considering it was a) in a building, b) there were more than three mats.

in the dream, mike had brought along a cool new video game. it seemed made for the pc because it had installments, but it could be played on playstation. the game was of the horror genre, it was about monsters all over the world. there was the american installment, which had vampires, werewolves, etc., and there was the philippine installment, which had all sorts of aswang. mike said that it scared him to death when he played it, never mind that you were playing the role of monster. (you could even customize your monsters...how the heck did a dream get that much detail?)

anyway, i didn't want to play the game coz i'm a chicken, so i opted to hide under the blanket. i don't know exactly when, but i think one of my friends called me, so i tried to throw off the blankets. of course, as bad dreams go, i couldn't. i kept pulling and pulling at the blanket just to try and get out from under them, but i simply could not.

well, i've had that experience before, and some people have told me that it was a case of bangungot. normally a bangungot is state where you find your mind is awake but your body is asleep. practically dead to the world. in my case, i get my bangungots under the covers, literally. i've dreamt of being stuck under the blankets and being unable to immediately throw them off, and the feeling is terrifying. you want to get out because you know that something awful will happen to you if you don't, but you simply can't.

anyway, this dream was weird, because i was having a bangungot WITHIN the dream. i've never had that before. in the dream, i was able to pull the blankets off after a prolonged struggle, only to find that i was still in the damned dream, and ace and mike were STILL playing the damned game!

at that point, i think i knew i was dreaming, so yeah, i woke up.

i had an eerie feeling when i did. i looked around at my room and swore that it was different somehow. not like i woke up in Oz or anything, but there was a slightly different feel in the air. i'm a superstitious, paranoid individual, so i thought that there might be something outside, or something on the roof. i tried to shrug it off and go back to sleep, but the moment i'd start to drift off i'd start dreaming again, immediately, stuff i couldn't control though i wanted to.

well, nothing happened after that. i fell asleep again and the next time i woke up all i had to do was relieve my bladder. still, that was a really weird night, and i hope it doesn't happen again. for all that i want my life to be eventful, i'd really rather steer clear of the supernatural events, thank you very much.

and by the way...ace had that strange feeling last night, too, when she woke up in the wee hours of the morning after having...you guessed it...a weird dream.

i HOPE this does not become a trend. -_______-0

the thunderstorms cometh!

2006-06-04T05:27:00.000-07:00

summer's over, and yes, the freak storms with megalightning and thunder have come. the days are have become humid and stifling, while the sky grows pregnant with the impending threat of heavy rain. (how dramatic). in short...hello rainy season!

this gives me an excuse to buy sandals. all you need when your bare feet get soaked in rainwater is a good dose of alcohol/alcogel and kleenex. :P easier to deal with that than with soggy socks and waterlogged sneakers.

speaking of storms, some of my friends are facing some really rough ones right now. they're trying to hang in there, but it seems that their will and their hearts are close to breaking. it hurts me that they're going through all this, and there's not much i can do to help.

but listen up. there's a reason we all get put to the test. though it seems that we're powerless in the face of a storm, we still have a choice. we can either allow ourselves to drown in the rain, in the flood, OR we can forge on. in spite of how dark and how frightening it might seem. remember, it won't rain forever.

i once had an experience i'll never forget. my dad and the driver picked me up from de la salle university during a storm. after several hours, we still weren't home because the traffic was horrendous. finally, somewhere near the old airport on mia road heading towards sucat, paranaque, things came to a standstill. cars heading in the opposite direction had desperately gone into the other lane, while cars from our lane had decided to do the same thing. result: absolute and complete STOP.

so dad and i decided to walk home. leaving the driver behind to take care of the car, we stopped over at a gas station that had a convenience store. it was late in the evening, it was dark, there was floodwater everywhere, and it was still raining. it was a long, long way from home. i live in BF Homes, and those who live in that area know just how far the airport is from BF on foot.

so there i am thinking how damned unlucky i was. i was with my 60+ year old father who had had bypass surgery some years ago, and we would have to walk such a great distance just to get home. i didn't know if he was up to it, and i was worried about him.

then i turn around and see this pregnant woman standing next to me. we strike up a conversation, and dad and i find out she lived even further away. and she would have to walk home, same as us. that's insane, for a pregnant woman, but she was calm and cheerful about it.

somehow that gave me the boost i needed. so dad and i walked. we walked through rain, water, treacherous footing, and more water. in spite of aching feet and impaired visibility. and yeah, we did get home. it was about 1 or 2 in the morning, but we got home. we walked all the way. we were dead tired, but we were home. and it felt so good to be home.

i understand that emotional storms are different from physical ones. emotional battles are different from physical ones. but that doesn't make either one easier. and they're similar on one level at least: no matter what, we have to keep going. because if we stop and give up, then we'll never get home. we can never truly rest. and we'll never know if there really is a rainbow after the rain. that's the reason we see the storms through.

if you don't twist and squeeze and scrub your clothes, they won't get clean, now will they? (spoken by a CSB professor, to his class, of which i was in attendance)

don't give up just because you've hit a bump in the road, even if it does damage your car. and don't think that life's treating you unfairly whenever it deals you a bad hand. if you get too complacent because your life's too damn easy, then you turn selfish and self-centered.

a priest once said that hate isn't the opposite of love, and i think i believe that, because the opposite of love is selfishness. you can hate something out of love for another, but when you are unable to love at all because you're too busy with yourself, then that's selfishness. if you give up and throw away your battle, it's like throwing away your love. love for yourself and all those people who care about you. you owe it to them to keep on fighting, too, not just yourself. giving up would be a selfish thing to do. and you don't need a dosage of self-pity. you think you're the only one suffering? look around at the homeless, the weak, the sick, the kids who try to beg or sell sampaguita flowers on the street because they have no other way to live. i've said that my life was shit before, yeah. But compared to this glaring reality, saying that my life is shit is damned selfish. i'm actually rather lucky. and so are you.

so let the thunderstorms come. "Do your worst, for I will do mine."

not the greatest of nights...

2006-05-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

some things happened today that have forced me to look at my life and the current state of things. it hit me on my way home, and i found myself sitting in the fx as it rattled along the skyway, my head in my hands and my brain in perpetual turmoil. i had to ask myself several questions, none of which i'm proud of.

am i really allowing my mother to lead me around by the nose?

am i really strong enough to stand up for the life i want to lead?

am i losing my grip on reality?

what if i just put an end to myself to save myself all the misery i'm going through and probably will continue to go through?

whenever i'm caught between a certain rock and hard place, i often find myself thinking "gee, wouldn't it just be a lot better if i, you know, just died, or something?"

and to think i'm writing all of this down right after i've left what i hope are encouraging comments on a friend's blog. some hotshot i turned out to be, able to spice up some nice little paragraphs with light-hearted shit but can't even see the light at the end of my own dark tunnel. i know there's a light up there somewhere, maybe i'm just not looking for it with the proper specs.

well, this is probably just another of my mood swings. i don't know if it's getting close to that time of the month again. maybe. it's another one of those nights that i feel rather hopeless. weak. hopeless and weak go hand in hand. lovely couple.

on the lighter side of things, well, we've got our PCs in toei. pretty soon they'll be training us to animate digitally. not that much different from animating the old-fashioned way, 'cept that of course you can just undo your mistakes and start over.

kind of makes you wish life were the same way. i'd undo my mistakes, if i knew where i made them.

oh, well.

keep knocking.

2006-05-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

whoa. been ages. been busy. :P so here's a little update on how my life's been.

busy. joke. well, work is work, which means it's still fun for me, and i can still see myself at this job for quite a long time, and i'm still ecstatically happy that ace and i are both in toei. the bosses say that we'll be getting our PCs soon (as well as the 3D department), which hopefully will make animating a lot easier.

i was reading the last entry i had up. in light of that, here's what happened recently at toei. it involves me, ace, and a certain someone that pissed me off big time.

as our friends know, ace isn't exactly what our 'enlightened' society considers pretty. society elevates stick-thin anorexia-stricken female scarecrows to the title 'sexy and beautiful', even if they're as ugly as baboon butts and look like a passing fart could blow them clear into the next world. to put it bluntly, harshly, coldly, ace is fat. that's the truth of the matter, and, well, that's that. ace, however, has a very beautiful soul, as all her friends know, and as alien as this might sound to shallow people, that's more important than having a body that can fit into a poodle's behind. she's intelligent (knows how to speak passing japanese and probably still knows her way around a watchamacallit isoceles(???) triangle), compassionate (she and her mother went around during christmas giving food to street kids), and she managed to get into one of the best animation companies in the philippines, beating about 40 other people to the position of IB animator. now read all that again and tell me if that isn't something amazing.

now, normally, among friends, it's ok to tease each other. nick darling has already told me that i have excellent birthing hips, mike said that i have such powerful hip-jerking power that i should have been a man, and bj holds to his right to remain silent about my singing abilities. teddy from work continues to bombard ace every single day with jokes about her size. ("i want my steak well-done!", "ace was running in megamall...that's why we had that earthquake!") ace doesn't mind that. for one thing, teddy's tubby himself, and for another, they are FRIENDS. they've shared secrets, exchanged advice, and encouraged each other when times got a bit rough at work. i don't mind my friends telling me my hips are a dangerous weapon waiting to be unleashed and that fingernails on a blackboard sound better than my singing because they are my FRIENDS, and they have been there for me whenever i needed someone to lean on. plus, we all know our place, and we know when we're getting too close to crossing the line when it comes to teasing our friends (even if i forget myself every so often).

how does all that rambling tie in with my story? well, i believe that in my previous entries i've mentioned a certain half-breed who does not seem to know his place. he doesn't know his place with ace or with me, nor does he know his own place at work. i believe he does not even care. in his arrogance, he probably thinks he can get away with being an asshole. this time, he went too far. he sketched a 'wonderful' little masterpiece for ace, a drawing of a cross between a gas tank and a pig, scribbled some very 'witty' wordplays that included "scien-TIFF-ic" name (tiff, from tiffany, ace's given name) "babuyus" something or other (babuy=baboy=pig), and quite a bit more in that vein. to say that this kind of drawing and behavior is disgusting would be an understatement. it is offensive, and done with only one intention: to insult ace. possibly even to hurt her. what's more, he didn't put his own name down as the creator of that drawing, he put someone else's name there, thinking maybe that we were too stupid to know it was him.

ace is patient. even if that stupid little fuck hurt her feelings, she curbed any desire to maim him. she bit back her anger and her pain, and was content to just let it go. but i'd had enough of that kind of bullshit, and i wasn't going to take it sitting down anymore. nobody hurts my friends. i hardly knew what i was doing, but i took the drawing, tore it up, and put it down on that asshole's lightbox. then, just to make sure he knew that i was pissed enough to break bones, i took one piece of torn paper and wrote "KEEP YOUR SHIT TO YOURSELF." and i put my name so he knew who he was facing. i didn't care if that was calling for a fight, and if he wanted a fight, he was sure as hell gonna get one. i was so mad, i was actually waiting for him to get back from wherever the hell he was hiding so i could smash his face in.

i wouldn't have minded this if he was actually our friend and spent at least some time trying to get to know us. lord knows we did try. his attitude has made it hard for us to actually get along, and so ace and i simply stayed out of his way. he goes out of his way to shove himself in our faces. we didn't start this little war, he did.

so go right ahead, you little piece of crap. i dare you. you want a fight? YOU'LL GET ONE. but be careful. to quote a line from the movie Four Brothers: "you keep knocking on the devil's door, sooner or later someone's gonna answer you." so just you keep knocking, iwaya hideaki. sooner or later, i'm going to answer. you want your life to be a living hell? you've come to the right place.

to end my story: ace and i went downstairs to cool our tempers. after 30 minutes, we went back up. i found a Libre newspaper neatly laid out right in the middle of my lightbox. the headline? "Ingatan mo ang kalusugan mo." (Take care of your health) i'll give ya one chance to guess who might have put that there.

here's my answer to that:

is that the best you can do, half-breed?

growing a backbone.

2006-04-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

maybe it's because of the 'teddy bear' from work, but i think i've gotten a little more vocal these past few weeks. it's scaring even me.

you know how it is...when there are people who annoy you during everyday commuting, you usually just keep quiet while screaming profanities at them in your head. at least, that's what i do. i've decided that that's unhealthy, so i try to strike out the thoughts before they even occur. lately, though, i think striking out the thoughts means pushing them out through my mouth.

incident one: on the way to work, ace and i encountered a fiera-type vehicle with a bunch of low-class scum on it parked by the sidewalk. probably trabahador. well, they caught sight of ace and started grinning like the no-breeding bastards that they are. fine, so she's got a weight problem. doesn't give anyone a dram of right to make fun of her, damn it. but make fun of her they did, with a lot of chin-jerking and malicious grinning. the driver even nudged the vehicle forward a bit as we got closer to them. and their stares and grins followed us relentlessly. SO...as we passed by their window, i turned my head, looked straight at them, and said "Putang-ina, ang papanget niyo. Mga hayop kayo." and then, as an afterthought, i shouted "mga hampas-lupa!"

not a single thing of common sense was accomplished by that, but at least i said what i wanted to say, and damn, was it ever satisfying.

incident two: on the more humorous side this time, one day, ace and i and our trainer in toei were on the elevator. on the way up to the 9th floor, three ladies got off on the 6th. the first lady said "excuse me" as she exited. the second lady likewise said "excuse me" as she left. the third one, however, said something that sounded suspiciously like "squeeze." of course, i immediately followed up with "squeeze WHAT?" as she got off, which made ace gasp and whack my arm. our trainer, a quiet, dignified man, let out a barely repressed loud chuckle. i would just like to point out, in my defense, the lady who said squeeze was not being specific. when you say squeeze, you should also indicate or say WHAT to squeeze. >;) in short, she asked for it. ^_~

gawd, i've become my father. @_@ hello darth vader.

incident three: not vocal, more on physical. i was in line at the mrt heading out through one of the 'exit' turnstiles when this son of a bitch asshole tried to make singit. in front of me. i'd had enough of people like him, and i've been letting out louder growls of "singit!" "huy, pumila ka!" but i felt that this time i'd like to get more physical. when he was too close for comfort, i glanced at him, stuck out my elbow in front of him, and just to make sure, stuck out my foot as well. he got the message. he made singit behind me instead. makapal pa rin mukha niya, but at least i didn't back down.

you idiots who take the mrt, will you PLEASE prove me wrong and show me that you've got some breeding at least? didn't your mothers ever teach you how to respect other people? a girl stepped on my heel once when i was on my way out of the mrt, and i was about to turn around and glare at her but then she said, "ay, sorry po! so sorry!" so i didn't give her any dirty look anymore. at least she had the decency and conscience to apologize when she knew she had done something wrong. thank god for people like that. meron pa palang pag-asa ang bansa na to.

i'm probably going to get into trouble for being more vocal. incident two (the elevator thing) wasn't so bad, in fact it was even funny, but i'll admit i was a bit nervous after i insulted the guys in the fiera. i'm not a big person, nor am i particularly strong physically, so if someone decides to bite back, then i'd be in trouble, wouldn't i? STILL...i'd rather stand up for something than continue to let other people think they can just run over me. i don't want to be easily intimidated anymore. my older sister is shorter than i am, has had no martial arts training whatsoever, and is built like a pear, but she is hella scarier than a lioness protecting her cubs when she gets mad. she told me that i should stop staying too quiet when people disrespect me. as long as i know i'm right, i should stand up for it. (she'd probably scold me for what i did in incident two, though, but she'd be laughing about it anyway :P)

so...

i have to at least try to grow a backbone. i've been blustering my whole life, trying to make people think i'm tougher than i really am. if me being a toughie is a lie, i'd better stop living that lie. if i want to be really tough, i'm going to have to do it through action as well, and not just words. the test of fire goes on.

(gah, how dramatic. -___-0 bottom line is i just really have to suck it up and be stronger.)

update

2006-03-25T18:49:00.000-08:00

agh. been ages since i've put down anything here. work's kept me busy, and on sundays all i do is laze around. my sis and her baby went home to xiamen, so at least now i've got (some of) my privacy back, and i can type without worrying that someone could be peeking over my shoulder.

anyway...

i've been struggling with trying to reach quota for the past few weeks. seems that the people in charge of handing out folders (scenes animators are to work on) are intent on making us slave away, and i've been on the unlucky, receiving end of many a difficult folder. even though our quota is only 12 sheets a day, if you get stuck with a yaoi-ish scene of three guys wrestling each other using their legs, you're going to work on that for a long time. unless you're really, really good.

but things seem to be picking up. yesterday i worked on a folder that had 21 sheets, and i'm proud to say that i just need one last frame to complete it. so on monday it's possible for me to go overquota. well...at least for the day.

exciting, no? :D

but hey, i'm not going to gripe. i'm actually here to put up some pics i've taken while at work. X3 so, on with the show!

"Blood and Guts"

Ace put this henna tattoo on the back of my hand. i love it! too bad that the formula was still a bit too...what's the word? mild? coz the tattoo looks too faded. but it was a great tattoo for a first effort, and we're going to try to get the formula for the henna right next time, coz i'm planning to put the kanji (japanese character) for "madman" on my neck.

"Ang Dalawang Timang"

'Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong, yodi-yodi yodi-yodi yodi-yodi-yey!!!'

"Snow Dragon"

Another design by Ace on the back of my other hand. Pretty cool, eh? She did some face-painting over the weekend and sorta "practiced" on my hand. (Not that she needed the practice, though x3)

"Bwiset!"

One comment: Ahahahahahahahahaha!

(On a sidenote, though, don't you just love the balance on the Master Grade gundams?)

That about ends it for now. expect again next time, coz i like taking pictures. there's more free memory on my cellphone because Nokia Professional was so brilliant, they said that because of the error that the program on my fone had, they had to erase EVERYTHING. meaning the video capability that my fone had is gone, so there's really a lot of space.

kasalanan ni ace kung bakit bigla akong naging adik sa gundam seed at seed destiny. X3 heeheehee...

thar he goes...

2006-02-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

the guy i was talking about in my last post decided that the animator's life wasn't for him, and left. he's gone to pursue his dreams of comic book-making. well, i wish him the best. it's a hard road, that one, maybe even harder than what i'm doing right now. animation is a 24-hour job. same with comics. the pinoy audience is one of the most critical, hard-to-please kind in the world. i've heard of professional stage actors performing confidently in other countries, but when they come back home to the philippines they get the jitters because they know how demanding their countrymen are.

which makes me wonder why songs like "tahong ni carla" are so damn popular...

in my last post i was still feeling angry that someone had called my dream job 'factory work'. well, come on, it's kinda...OUCH. "who the hell are you to say that?" now that i've had time to think about it...well, one man's trash is another man's treasure. gawd, if my batchmates in highschool found out how much i'm making right now i'd be laughed out of the yearbooks.

it's a good thing i don't really care. :P well, think about it...i'm having fun, and in a few months i'll be able to start standing on my own. i can finally be rid of this embarrassing "26 and still dependent" shroud i've been agonizing under.

it's a good experience in my company too. very humbling to know that there are so many people BETTER than you are. lots of rich kids get too complacent because they don't know just how hard it is, really, to get a job. there are hungry people out there with mad skills, and knowing how to speak good English (an offshoot of being in a private school) simply won't cut it anymore. konyotic people, be warned. your days are numbered.

heh, this coming from a konyotic type. it's like crap telling vomit it smells bad. then again, i doubt i ever really solely depended on a language proficiency to get me to where i am right now.

i just hope we all find our niche in life. there's more to it than making tons of money. you can't take it with you anyway, in the end. and the end may sometimes be sooner than we think.

o cellphone mine, where art thou?

2006-02-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

has it been three weeks? i still don't have my cellphone. my friend is currently bemoaning the fact that she bought a sun cellular one-month unlimited card and was unable to use it because i can't use a sun sim on my dad's benighted fone. nokia care sure is 'professional'. they are so professional it hurts.

good news is that we trainees are -almost- all in ojt mode right now. goodbye saturdays! well, half of our saturdays anyway. as long as we finish quota, we can leave. so helloooooo movies!

a lot of things happened this week that i'd love to blog about, but most of it isn't really my story to tell, so out of respect i can't put anything down here. i'll just say that one of our number is really fed up with our so-called 'factory work' and wants to leave. he has 'greater goals' daw, and says he was 'meant for greater things' than slaving away at a lightdesk. he doesn't want to be pressured or told to work.

well, i hate to burst his bubble, but that's what every company will be telling you. of course, you won't be told to work if you were doing your job in the first place. but they WILL nag you to death about working IF you aren't working at all. duh.

pressure and stress are always there, no matter where you go. even freelancers are pressured because they have offered their services to a client, and they have to meet that client's needs...which means DEADLINES must be met, at virtually any cost. even if you make comics for a living, you still have deadlines. heck, authors have deadlines.

whether it's a deadline imposed on you by other people or by your own self, the bottom line is we all have responsibilities. you can't make money or be famous or whatever unless you become responsible. this guy seems to want to just monkey around, get paid, and become famous so that all the girls will chase him. says it's his dream.

you call that a dream?

to each his own, yes, and if that's what he wants, sure, go ahead. but don't go dissing other people's dreams, and don't start putting 'em down or calling them disillusioned losers who gave up their dreams for in-betweening at a very good company. most people would kill themselves to be where we are right now, because life is indeed hard. you can live your dreams, but you'll die if you live IN them.

so...my advice to this guy? stop whining and be a man.

'nuff said.

on small change and cheeks

2006-02-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

my mother and i are ignoring each other at the moment, on account of me forgetting to bring small change to donate to church today.

well, not exactly. she got annoyed with me about forgetting the money. right there and then, just before going to mass, she said "putragis ka talaga!" which put me in an off mood. dammit, it's just money, for God's sake. and we can always donate next week. hell, anytime. i think she was more annoyed with me because i said sorry and my tone said something else entirely.

pardon me for being irritated, but getting angry and upset over a few coins is NOT a motherly/adult/mature thing to do. i'm tired of people demanding my respect but refusing to give me respect in turn. if she weren't my mother, i'd say she had to EARN my respect.

*********

in other news, i would like to blog about a certain philosophy that's been bouncing around in my head for a while.

remember the Bible saying "turn the other cheek"? well, i solemnly believe that this must be followed. which means that, on the third offense, you are obligated to kick the offender's ass to kingdom come. why?

think about it. not counting your butt, just how many cheeks do you have?

so turn the other cheek, brother, but remember, you can't force your head to do a 360, and it was never stated in the Bible that you had to turn the other other cheek. >;)

and the luck--or lack of it--holds out...

2006-01-31T06:08:00.000-08:00

-SIGH-

today was the worst commuting experience i've had in quite a while. the mrt train i caught had no aircon, and the driver seemed hellbent on getting from one station to another without waiting for any of the passengers to get in. kelan nagkaroon ng driver na palabas pa lang yung mga pasahero galing sa tren e nagwa-warning buzzer na?

on the way home, there was a horribly long line at the colorum in ayala. it was past 8 when i finally managed to get into one and took off for home.

then, when i was near sucat, my dad's cellphone, which i've been using since mine conked out, lost its signal and refused to get it back, which resulted in me having to walk home from the guardhouse on aching feet. (note to Smart: don't bother offering services you can't provide, okay? para hindi naman kami ma-inconvenience. dapat talaga Globe na lang.)

i'm so tired.

on the lighter side of things, i experienced my first ever "downtime" at toei. downtime is when there is absolutely nothing for you to animate, therefore you can spend the rest of the day wandering around eastwood. i got to walk around with ace and edgar, and we talked about various things. ace made edgar blush like fury. i won't mention what she said exactly (for fear that some of our more vocal officemates are reading this; no offense, guys, but poor edgar's suffered enough). but he got RED. down to his arms.

our trainer, sir eugene, informed us that our downtime could extend well until tomorrow. aaagh, nothing to do. but, on the bright side, more time to spend yakking up everyone in the trainee batch. i know i have unfinished exercises to do, but drawing the entire trainee batch was more fun. i think sir eugene is tickled pink that his anime version looks cool. and whew, thank heavens i still have the knack for getting people down in anime caricature. had a hard time with some of the people, though.

and on an even lighter note, Underworld Evolution is a GREAT sequel. usually sequels suck, or they overdo everything and come out looking cheesy. this one was just as great as the first movie. the fact that it didn't outshine its predecessor or lack in the first movie's luster was a very good thing. KUDOS to everyone behind the movies! Kate Beckinsale rocked as Selene. (speaking of Kate, her daughter is just as cool as she is. a bully at school kept threatening to kill her, her bunny(?), and her mommy. so she took a magazine that had Kate Beckinsale on it decked out in all her Underworld vampire glory with guns pointed menacingly at the camera, slapped it down in front of the bully, and said "that's my mommy." the boy never bothered her again. hah!!! you GO, little girl!!!)

well, that made me feel marginally better. ta.

still f***ing unlucky

2006-01-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

this is really starting to piss me off.

first, the nokia professional center in filinvest tells me that my fone's software and some other parts are busted, and that they're going to order the parts and give me a call when the parts are there and the total cost's been computed so i can give the go signal to repair it. then i find out that the parts have been sitting there for days and no one is giving me a call. my mom had to go there herself to find out that 1)they were sitting around on their asses all week waiting for us to call THEM (when they should have been professional enough to follow-up), 2) the cost is actually much higher than the original estimate because my fone's parts are fast becoming outdated.

don't call yourselves professional IF YOU AREN'T, YOU MEDIOCRE, STUPID NOKIA IDIOTS. i don't mind my fone's parts being outdated for your tastes, but dammit, know your protocol!

second, my printer's busted. i've tried everything, but it simply won't do anything.

third, i don't have an inch of privacy in this house. i want OUT.

fourth, i can't move out because i'm not earning anything yet. -insert string of expletives here-

fifth, i'm starting to get tired of mom's coddling. parental concern is all well and good, but i'm not a kid anymore. in case you haven't noticed, i'm trying to WORK here.

sixth, what's the use of hiring a driver, then spoiling him shitless and refusing to let me have one night out for a movie? so he lives far away. big hairy deal. i live far away from work, and it hasn't stopped me yet. besides, the driver can always sleep over here, in this house. and i'll be paying him his damn overtime. jesus christ.

i know that this is all probably really mababaw, but i can't help it. if these are just little things, why does my mother make such a big deal about it, then? why is it that when she fusses and frets and hems and haws, it's not a big deal, then when i insist on doing things my way for just one fucking night, it turns into a "you're making a big deal out of some stupid little gimmick" argument?

dammit. this shouldn't be a problem anymore. 26 years and i'm still floundering around in a puddle of self-disgust, surrounded by muddy waters of overprotective maternal instincts. wonderful.

and people tell me i should be grateful for what i have. don't even start that bullshit with me. it's all well and good in moderation, as with everything else. and it's bad when it's either lacking or in excess, as with everything else.

i guess there's really nothing to be done about it. i'll either have to live with it, or move out. i'm taking the latter option as soon as i start earning enough to provide.

as for the other unlucky things in life...well, i guess it just HAD to happen sometime. toei was one big, lucky break. it needed a cauldron of unluckiness to balance it all out.

it's a realization that i've had several times over: my life is a piece of shit in a garden that's sometimes full of roses, and at other times full of useless, harmful weed.

whoopee.

unlucky

2006-01-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

talk about bad luck.

friday evening my cellphone stopped working. mom took it to the nokia professional center, and they claim the software and the on/off switch are busted. it'll take a week or two to fix. the availability of parts for that particular cellphone isn't so good anymore, because my fone's an old model.

saturday, i had to go to work. since i had to go to eastwood by myself, i decided riding with the toei shuttle will make things easier. problem was, when i got to cubao, there was no shuttle. i got lost trying to commute via jeep to eastwood (i'm not an expert in commuting, so bite me). ended up taking a taxi anyway. i was an hour late.

and in the course of getting lost and trying to find my way back, i lost my temper. let's just say it wasn't pretty.

i HATED yesterday.

production na!!!

2006-01-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

it's started!

well, sort of. the trainee batch i'm in is currently helping the regular animators with animating REAL work. stuff that's going to come out on TV in japan! of course, we're only allowed to do minor stuff (actually, that's probably about all we can do right now). the workload is heavy, so they really had to have us animate some things. we still have running animation exercises to do, i believe, but that's on hold right now. and we don't mind working on the actual thing, since it means 1) we're doing what we're meant to do, and 2) extra moolah!

my experience today was funny. after several scenes of simple in-betweening work (actually just a lot of clean-up and some minor eye-blinking and lipsynching), i was given a folder that had just two key frames. a character has to antic (anticipation, i think; whenever someone has to move in some dramatic way, there's always this anticipation of movement where he/she has to pull back...imagine your legs bending before you leap. something like that). just two key frames! should be easy...until i saw how many frames of in-between work i had to do. EIGHT.

ok, so it's still not bad, right? now, imagine trying to do clean-up--tracing over the rough drawings and making the lines as neat and tremble-free as possible--while your 'batchmates' are cracking crass jokes left and right. believe me, i had to erase nearly just as much as i had to draw. plus, every so often someone wants to play a practical joke and will suddenly switch off your lightbox. WHILE you're doing clean-up.

INSANE!!!

but it's all good. i'm still loving everything, and i'm really, REALLY glad for this job. ^__^ the proverbial winds of change are blowing, and i'm hoping to get caught up in the ride. ;]

coming up next: pictures taken while in the state of limbo. in other words, pics of me and some officemates habang naka-tunganga dahil nababaliw na sa trabaho. >;]

pics!

2006-01-15T04:14:00.000-08:00

well, as promised, the pic from the infamous mrt boxer show-off:

it's not too clear, but if you squint enough you'll see it. the waist of the guy's pants was hugging the bottom of his butt. ugh. please. like i've said before, make sure you've got good underwear before showing anything off.

it's like...the Scream guy from Scary movie draped over a chair. at first glance, it looks like a jacket and just a jacket. closer inspection, however, will reveal legs. -lol-

wahahaha, the original reno and rude! this is taken from a dragonball poster in toei animation, phil. lovely. -snicker-

well, that's all for now. there'll probably be more next week. ^^

the stuff you can do

2006-01-11T05:09:00.000-08:00

here's something for you to view. i got this off of pigarotti's blog: www.glitterdoll.net the pictures there are amazing, all taken (according to my friend) with a canon g5 powershot. proof that you don't need fancy equipment to do great things, hey? ^_^

to borrow a phrase from a former boss: it's the indian, not the arrow. equipment plays a role, yes, but you're the best tool there is in your chosen trade, and investing in yourself--education, never ceasing to learn more, discipline, passion, love for your job, even love for family and friends--is the best way to ensure you'll stay in the game you call your profession.

the ball's in your court. it's up to you to put it through the hoop. :)

fashion disaster on the mrt

2006-01-10T04:53:00.000-08:00

arghables.

talk about bad taste in fashion. i was on the mrt, heading home, when this guy hopped on. he was wearing his pants way too low. half his butt-cheeks were showing. he was wearing boxers, but it was still a terrible site. i'm confused; isn't that particular fad over yet? to make matters worse, there was a woman seated nearby who had an excellent, though unwanted, view of the guy's checkered shorts.

i wouldn't have noticed this if the guy hadn't been lazily propped up against one of the poles in the mrt. that's another thing i didn't like about this stranger; he was obviously inconsiderate. when you lean on a pole inside a crowded train, you take up space that was meant for other people's hands to hold onto so that they don't fall over flat on their faces. if this guy wanted to promote a punk-rock type image, he should've been playing in some bar with a band. not taking up needed space on the mrt and showing off horrid boxers. and being inconsiderate.

what do you get when you hang onto an image at the expense of other people? you lose your grip on your dignity and self-respect. not to mention your worth as a human being.

kaya mga kids, wag tularan. kse po, i took a picture, and i'm going to put it up here on the weekend. so, kung ayaw niyong pinagtatawanan kayo ng ibang tao, wag niyong ipakita boxers niyo sa buong mundo. >:)

disappearing blog?

2006-01-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

wtf?

what happened to me blog? can't seem to view it, this is a test entry. hope it works.

mga bawal na gawain

2006-01-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

ever heard of that phrase that goes "different strokes for different folks"?

i just realized how that applies to huge numbers of people. like, say, countries. in the philippines, a common sign you see (mostly near construction places) is 'Bawal Umihi Dito' or 'Hayop Lang Umiihi Dito.' in china, you will see 'No Spitting Everywhere'.

so foreigners will be thinking, hmm...filipinos pee everywhere while chinese spit everywhere. interesting.

i hope this kind of habit soon becomes a no-no for both countries. i mean, blech. imagine. it's unbelievable how many male urinals there are lining the streets of the metro here, and yet men still find other places to pee. like the lamp post. fer cryin' out loud, man, you're pinoy! have some pride! don't pee on that just like a dog!

speaking of pride, i'd just like to point out to the rest of my fellow countrymen that we're not as good as we think we are. seriously. other asians already look down on us (thanks a bunch, gloria). yet we still have stupid commercials and slogans and what-have-yous screaming of filipino pride and talent. talent? sure, we're talented, but we're also corrupt. we love to pull each other down in an effort to prove just how galing we are. it's not funny, and it's not honorable. didn't your mommies teach you how to play nice?

for my part, i would rather be told that i totally stink at something than have praises sung in my name for a job so mediocre. that's what's going on here, we're putting ourselves up on a pedestal for being sloppy and half-baked. there's probably going to be a joke in the future that most of us will end up in purgatory, the land of mediocrity. not good enough to be in heaven, not bad enough to be in hell.

wake up. we're hitting rock-bottom already. how long are we going to stay there? how long are we going to be content with deluding ourselves that we're so damn good, every other country should be kissing our asses?

the only way to get out of this rut is by admitting that we're not as good as we're making ourselves out to be. it's time to stop pretending. it's time to start wanting to be good again.

if i've offended anyone with this post...GOOD. get mad if you must, but improve yourself while you're at it. and remember that, as always, this is a reminder to myself as much as it is to anyone else.

happy new year, pilipinas. ^_^

keep away from my friend, you hideous freak.

2006-01-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

just popped in to list down stuff that happened this week. not much, really, but one major thing is that we're being given new exercises at toei, and these have a deadline. insane! for the first time since we started out, it got real quiet in the trainee room...of course, it wasn't quiet for very long.

i nearly lost my temper with that hideous, pathetic excuse of an officemate. he was taking too many potshots at ace, so when he came a little too close yesterday, i took my peg bar (the peg's what holds animation papers in place, and it's made of steel) and i gave my lightbox a good, resounding whack! after about 3 seconds, he went away.

my temper's ugly, buddy, so keep out of my face and you'll be fine.

that's the only exciting thing that happened to me so far. it's actually rather usual, for me, considering my anger management skills (or lack thereof).

quote for the day: "ang pinoy, mawala na ang yaman...huwag lang ang yabang."

correct me if you can on that one. ^_^ ba-bye.

it's the new year. so?

2005-12-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

precisely.

it's the new year. 2006. wow. so what? is the timely progression of, well, time of any real great import? i had a discussion with a friend about time once, and he said that time was a manmade concept that we creatures invented because it was hard keeping track of movement. yep, time is movement. the movement that brings you closer to or further away from something else. age and aging? again, movement. the movement of little atoms and cells and particles, stuff that keeps moving until it gets worn out. it's only a matter of movement.

i was supposed to be having a great day today. so how did it get to me feeling empty and bitter on what is usually a cause for celebration, a renewal of spirits, and a point in the great movement of things to set goals and resolutions?

i guess it's the redundance. and the fact that i've realized that i may be too damn complacent about the future. i know i'm contradicting myself, what with time and movement and the future (events consisting of actions that may or may not transpire according to the actions i take now, yet again another contradiction). it's 2 am, sue me. i'm tired. but i need to get this down.

maybe i should start being more...i don't know...assertive? but if everything's all relative, how am i to know when i'm being assertive and when i'm just being an ass?

maybe it's just because sun cellular is simply a big pile of horsecrap on the road to nowhere, and i can't contact a certain someone i usually talk to every night, and the fact that i have realized that i am just too complacent. it's a host of different things merging into one horrific nightmare that i'm in and i can't wake up because i'm afraid that if i do, the nightmare just continues on into the real world. maybe i don't know myself as well as i thought i did, and it's getting to me because i just might not know how to get what i want. ah, hell, this doesn't make any fucking sense.

it's the uncertainty.

there we go. i guess it's because i'm not sure if i'm doing enough. if i'm doing enough, or if i'm doing the best that i can, then there shouldn't be any complaints, right? but there are, and now i don't know if i'm doing anything right.

anyway, i am thankful for a few things. the gifts of the season, love, a job, friends...even this new self-doubt and self-loathing i'm developing for being too complacent, like a stupid cow grazing around a shit-littered field of pseudo-contentment. i guess i'm just annoyed that i may not be doing enough for someone i care about. maybe i should be taking concrete steps now to ensure the future i want.

oh, well.

this is the unhappiest new year i've ever experienced. to hell with hoping for things to get better. maybe a friend of mine was right when he said that we shouldn't hope for anything. maybe it's time to stop hoping and time to start acting. this could be a painful transition, but i might learn from this little philosophy.

or maybe i'm just depressed for no apparent reason, and things will probably look better when the sunlight comes streaming in again through my window.

happy new year to everyone else. have a bang.

bastos. talaga

2005-12-29T17:15:00.000-08:00

may sumosobra na sa opis namin...

there's a guy in at toei, part of the trainee batch i'm in, who's half-japanese, half-pinoy, and all asshole. i might have mentioned him before. ibang klase siya kung magbiro, loaded, palaging may malisya. he's insulting at best, downright cruel and uncaring at worst, because you can see that he really knows what he's saying. he knows he's insulting you, what's more he seems to enjoy it. user pa siya; lagi nlang nakikitext kay Oso. tapos nalaman ko pa na tumitingin-tingin pala siya sa pwet ko. (as if okey ang pwet ko)

ok, i know that guys look. all guys look, come on, they wouldn't be guys if they didn't. same way girls check out guys, they wouldn't be girls if they didn't. but it's the way that stupid half-breed looks that really freaked my officemate out. sabi ng officemate ko baka mabangungot daw siya dahil sa nakakadiring mukha ng tang-inang yun.

ewan ko naman, ang tanga-tanga ko siguro. dense ako e. yung officemate ko pa yung nakahalata, tapos he was trying to warn me and ace, pero di rin siya naka-text dahil tumabi bigla si panget na half-breed kay ace, si ace naman katabi si officemate. tapos itong panget na hayup na yan...to use officemate's words..."he was checking out your ass!"

yan ang bastos.

di lang niya alam, sanay na ako sa pagsuntok sa pader. wala akong problema kung siya yung susuntukin ko. linaslas ko na ang sarili ko, gamit ko pa blade na serrated yung edge, ok lang sakin ang masugatan. huwag lang niya akong mahawakan, makakaligtas pa siya. subukan lang niya. hindi ako natatakot sa kanya. magpasalamat lang siya ayokong sirain ang buhay ko, nasa toei na ako e. but if push comes to shove...Diyos nlang makakasagot niyan.

-----

isa pang ka-ewanan na nangyari ngayon: my tita came over (yes, the nun came over), and her mere presence put my mom in another bad mood. ngayon, ok lang na mag-away sila o magparining sa isa't-isa, pero pucha, wag na sila mandamay ng ibang tao. bwiset, pag-uwi ko galing southmall biglang kasalanan ko na nandito yung tita ko. kasalanan ko pa na naubusan kami ng tubig sa tanke, e pucha di naman ako ang huling gumamit ng banyo. leche! nanay ko talaga ang hilig-hilig magbintang ng wala sa lugar. sila dyan yung magkaaway, bakit ako nasali sa walang kwentang bagay na yan?

tang-ina, lupeeet. idol ka mami, idoooooool! ang linis niyong dalawa, mga bwiset kayo.

'tis the season to be sneezin', lalalala-lala-la-laaaa

2005-12-27T04:39:00.000-08:00

and, after christmas, what do you expect? you either expect a lot of xmas money (which i didn't get, because i'm old), or a cold (i don't have it...YET). of course, you could be just like me...neither lucky nor unlucky, which isn't so bad really, since people like me are used to sitting on the fence. ^_~ and i really hope i don't get sick, because 1) i generally don't like getting sick, just like most of the sane population, 2) not at a time like this, come on!, and 3) while i may be used to sneezing thanks to my ever-present allergy rhinitis, i don't like the sore throat, raw eyes, and tasteless, scentless state of being that comes with a REAL cold. (hugs to ace-chan, who has a real cold and can't dismiss it as an imaginary fiend, the poor girl)

-----

one of the fans inside the cpu is kicking up a wee bit of a ruckus. i sincerely hope it just needs some cleaning (which i unfortunately do not know how to do), because i think it's the processor fan doing the buzzing. my computer is such a frigging darling; it greets me every freaking christmas that it's been in my possession. i don't like attention (expect when it comes from certain people), and i don't like it when the other type of certain people tries to get my attention, and i most definitely do not appreciate mechanical/digital/technological/electronic devices trying to catch my attention either, because their idea of getting my attention is usually to break down. no thank you.

too bad, because my idea of answering to these things is usually a kick in the shins or to the cpu casing.

anti-social? certainly not. irritable? yes, quite.

------

one of the guys in our trainee batch is trying his darndest to get me and ace back in ragnaland. ragnarok online was easily one of my favorite online games simply because, well...it was simple. well, no. it seemed simple. turns out you need to know advanced calculus or something to properly work out your character's build, and it all depends on what kind of knight/rogue/bard/etc. you want. i could go on forever or write some kind of term paper on the various builds for each and every class, but i'm sure you'd fall asleep by the time i say "hammerfall", so let me just say that i had a lot of fun playing. oddly enough, i thoroughly enjoyed squatting my blacksmith down in morroc and vending the hell outta him, which earned me a couple million zeny. at ANY rate, to get back to my original train of thought, the big bear of doom in toei is trying to get me and ace to start playing again. and, as luck would have it, he wants us to create characters in the loki server. my characters, as well as ace's, are in fenrir.

/swt (sweatdrop)

why did i even mention this? -scratches head- i am a ragnageek. sue me. i've got enough to mammonite you.

well, we're going to try to get the latest installer cd. i deleted the game from my pc a loooong time ago to accomodate videos and get rid of the temptation to spend money.

somehow that move didn't quite work. /swt

-----

and that's it for now. not really that much to rant about, eh? wait til we get to the new year.

. . .

/gg >:]

absolutely nothing important whatsoever

2005-12-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

hrmph. not much to blog about, save for the fact that as if to contradict my last post, i find that there are still pinoys with big hearts as soft as marshmallows, friends who can put a smile on my face and make me roll off my seat laughing. they probably won't be reading this, but thanks to my friends in toei (you know who you are. astiiiiiiiiig! idoooool!) for rekindling my faith in people.

and on to lighter things...

ala. haven't completed my xmas shopping yet. the xmas season seems to have done something to people's brains; the traffic has escalated to tremendously incredible heights, and the malls are literally oozing with last-minute shoppers. myself included? nah. too busy trying to get home. :P

here's something nice i heard on the radio the other week: if you can't find christmas in your hearts, you won't find it by looking under the tree.

hay, totoo.

anyway, i have now concluded that toei is a front for a mental asylum. talented people, yes, but they're all insane. and yes, i do fit right in. *big grin* where else can you find an office where a superior (one of the regular animators) willingly and gleefully pretends to lick xmas frosting decor off the window of the room you're working in? now there's something to brighten your day.

have i blogged about the college girl clones yet? no? i just happened to notice that nearly every other girl who studies in assumption (makati area) looks alike. same long, straight hair, same bearing, same kikay-ish school bag...no offense to any assumptionista reading this, but damn! how the hell can you tell yourselves apart? whatever happened to the 'geeky but nice girl'? or the 'balahura, spunky, short-haired tomboy'? they've all disappeared!!!

it's the attack of the clones on planet san lo!!

anyway, now that i've made myself a target for every blue-skirted college lady out there, that's about all i've got for tonight. :P until next write.

confused indeed

2005-12-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

pinoys are going to pot.

here's a sterling example. yesterday, my sis and i brought tara, her daughter, to alabang town center for 'coco's confused christmas', a cartoon network show featuring the characters of 'foster's home for imaginary friends'. the show itself was composed mostly of games and some picture-taking with mascots of the characters. it was held in the middle of atc, with a stage and rows of chairs in front of it, with an aisle down the middle so people would have an easy time getting to their seats.

my sis, tara, and i arrived early, and we took the seats closest to the aisle so that tara would have an easy time getting to the stage in the event she would be called to participate in a game. the problem with the rest of the world, however, is that some parents encouraged their kids to sit right in front of the stage, on the floor. normally i'd have no problem with that--there really weren't enough seats, anyway--but then the stupid parents decided to remain standing in the aisle.

no big deal, right? after all, the hosts and the assistants would be fair and call kids seated even away from the stage...right?

wrong. the stupid assistants only concentrated on the kids sitting on the floor in front of the stage. bakit din naman sila magpapakahirap na puntahan at hilahin ang mga batang nakaupo--ng MAAYOS--sa mga upuan?

and then of course you had to deal with the parents in the aisle. the hosts held a "bring me" game, and all the kids could join in. all the kids had to do was bring the item requested. all the items were supposed to be in blue. so. my niece had on a blue t-shirt, i gave her my blue and white hanky, and my sis gave her a blue clip, plus my niece had blue shoes. ok, di ba? and, as luck would have it, the hosts called for a blue shirt.

so my niece up and tries to run to the stage, but she couldn't get past the parents in the aisle, not even when she politely said "excuse me". (big stupid asses in the hold!) my poor niece turned to me with an anguished look on her face. "auntie ree, they won't let me pass!"

i decided that i'd had enough.

i stood up and shoved myself into the aisle, and i roared "LET--HER--PASS!!!!"

it was like moses in front of the red sea. startled (dare i say frightened?) women got out of my way and my niece ran to the stairs leading up to the stage. of course, it was too late by then, but the enterprising little girl made sure she was right next to the stairs for the next items. i turned around and, in a huff, made parinig to the whole motley crew standing owl-eyed behind me. "KAYA NGA 'AISLE' ANG TAWAG DIYAN E! PARA MADAANAN NG TAO!!"

i was simply fed up with typical filipino mentality. do we really have to shove and crowd and form a human wall to keep other people from getting through, both literally and figuratively? what is it with this bestial need to always be the first, even when we know there's more than enough for everyone? and as if that weren't enough, we even teach our kids to do exactly the same thing, even if we KNOW it's WRONG. why's that?

in short...ba't ang sama ng ugali natin?

there's something to think about this christmas.

IN COMPLETE AGREEMENT TOO!

2005-12-16T16:13:00.000-08:00

this is from Hari ng Duga's blog, and it has a point. why should all the work in preventing rape come from us women? MEN play a part in this, too, and it's up to them to decide if that part will be good or bad.

"-incorporated from sunshinysarcasm.
This is the kind of thing people should forward, not stupid chain-letters! - Dave Cruz

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.

If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and It's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. Email it to your friends and family. It's that important."

and THIS is our BIG lesson in good manners and proper breeding for today. take it to heart, boys. remember your mothers, and your sisters, and remember that other women could be mothers or sisters, too. don't just stand there while everything else is going to pot. do something. and do it well.

a lesson in manners

2005-12-15T04:48:00.000-08:00

been another fun day at work. our trainer complimented ace and told her that we were doing better work than the subcontractors and we were more or less ready for production. good gawd, exciting but it also scares me a bit. i'm still struggling to animate an explosion. pero shet, ang saya! kung totoo yon, malapit na rin kami maging OJT status.

but dammit, this comes with some bad news. because i do still care...somewhat...about one of my friends, i'd like to sort out some things with him. he's been an ass lately to someone else, and that someone doesn't deserve it. (see previous post)

"tread softly, for you tread on my dreams."

all i'm saying is we don't mind your two cents. we do mind, however, the way you deliver them. don't just hurl them in. toss gently. gets? want the literal meaning? we don't mind your advice, or your thoughts on the matter. but we do mind the way you say them. don't say them with arrogance, as if you're better than all the rest of us, because we all know you're NOT. say it gently, mindful of the feelings of others. even a doctor tries to be as gentle as possible when he's about to tell a patient he's going to die.

what you give will be given back to you. what you take will be taken from you.

and that's our lesson in good manners and proper breeding for today.

when it rains...

2005-12-11T05:24:00.000-08:00

everyone knows that tired old saying. 'when it rains, it pours.' in my case, it doesn't just pour, it rises to dramatic heights, breaks through the dam, and floods the entire neighborhood. just take what happened to me yesterday.

it all started out fine. i went to a friend's exhibit at the Enterprise in makati. he's an extremely good 3D artist. pays strict attention to detail and designs the cutest anime girls you've ever seen on Maya. also constructs fascinating medieval buildings and fantasy-based structures and vehicles. IMHO, he also carried most of his group's thesis on his shoulders when it came to 3D and design and stuff. when i got there, though, i found out a lot of stuff that really makes me angry. take note i'm not saying 'damn, that pisses the shit outta me!', i am saying 'i am very angry.' which means i'm not just emotionally annoyed, i am intellectually insulted as well, if that made any sense to you, and if you happen to be one those "problems" my friend and i talked about, you probably won't understand because you're probably not smart. i won't put down anything that my friend and i talked about here...that would be a violation of his trust, i suppose...but i will say this: remember that when a hero falls once, it's easy to hate him, but when a villain does one good deed, he is immediately forgiven and even loved. but remember also that heroes can redeem themselves, and villains can also sin again. the nature of man is far too complex to be judged by one deed alone. and before you pick at the tiny splinter in your brother's eye, take that in-fucking-credibly HUGE plank outta yours, you pathetic asswipes.

all right, so that wasn't entirely intellectual. what did you expect? i care about my friend, and i hate it that some people thought it was nice to pick on him. they have no idea what this guy's been through.

-----------------

after an hour or so, nick showed up at the exhibit. we hung around a bit longer, then took our leave and went to glorietta to shop. i found some gifts for my friends, and nick and i exchanged gifts at penshoppe (read: he bought me a shirt, i bought him a shirt. @_@) i was supposed to go home at 3, but decided to extend til 4. i was agonizing over what to buy my sis when nick suggested i get her a book. so off we went looking for national bookstore. and of course, as luck would have it, we got a bit lost and then, when we finally found it, they didn't have any of what my sis likes. so i wasted about 30 minutes of our time.

on the way home, the driver of the colorum i was on turned out to NOT be the owner, so when we got to sucat they switched. the owner turned out naman to be someone who cared more about yakking his buddies up on the radio than actually driving well. ASShole. people want to get home, whackjob. they're not interested in whether or not your entire body is aching like a biatch. because of his horrendous driving, he had to beat the red light turning into lopez, which made the traffic enforcer pound on the side of his wretched, old van. that driver is such a dick.

and as if that wasn't enough, sucat was traffic. it was HORRIBLE. plus, there was this lady who was so maarte that she didn't want to sit at the back even though she was getting down practically near my place already, which was nearly at the end of the whole trip. then when she does get off, she doesn't bother to shut the door. BITCH.

so i got home at 6:20. a long trip, considering colorums take the skyway and i usually get home in 30-40 mins. i left glorietta BEFORE 5. BWISET.

and, to top off the whole day, my computer decided to hang on me, and then refuse to start-up after i restarted it. today, my sister insisted i tell the pc fixer-upper guy to come over no matter how late, and so he's coming over, and the computer decides to WORK...so we're practically asking the poor sod to waste his time.

WTF.

my preciousssss....

2005-12-09T05:05:00.000-08:00

gawd. today was something. i'm not sure exactly what to call it, so i'm settling for something. let's just say the trainee happy duo (codenames Teddy Bear and Machine Man) came up with even more silly nicknames for everyone. Let's see...ace was called 'Amy' from Bananas in Pajamas, i think, and i was the other female creature. (i don't watch B in P, so i wouldn't know her name and i can't remember it). Machine Man called Teddy Bear 'Morgan'. what is with Bananas in Pajamas? and what are Teddy and Machine sniffing? pahingi!

and later on, yet another one of our number was called 'Booger.' what the hell?

-------------

speaking of boogers, there's one hanging on the wall just above and to the right of my lightbox.

you read that right.

no one is claiming ownership of it yet. i'll be posting a pic of that soon. >:) someone couldn't quite shake it out of his system and he put a sign next to it. "What is this?"

i should've put up a sign that says "Whose is this???"

-------------

kanina naghabulan sina ace at machine man. gagu kasi si machine man at teddy bear. they were doing a YMCA-type spelling of A-M-Y every single chance they got, and it annoyed ace to no end. she wasn't really annoyed, but she felt that some retribution was in order. i think it surprised everyone that she could really SPRINT. it's not a wise idea to get caught by ace. she hits hard. trust me, i know. :P i'm sure that machine man knows it by now too. at least his arm does.

buti nga. >:D

-------------

we had a discussion about psychopaths and sociopaths. amazing just how the most sweet-faced people can turn out to be the best sociopaths. so boys and girls, the next time you try to get cute with a pa-tweetums anyone...think again. you might just end up getting screwed backwards and stuck on a pole to dry.

and while we're on the subject...

there's someone in the office who freaks the bejeezus out of us. we call him bilbo baggins. yes, he does look like a hobbit. and he's a scary one. VERY scary. he suddenly latched on to the back of one of our friend's head and began combing his fingers through the frightened young man's hair, all the while chanting "nice kitty...nice kitty..." in the most horrifying tone of voice i've ever heard. it left all of us with our jaws scraping the dirt off the floor...

talk about "my precioussss..."

our friend was just like a Bond martini afterwards, only he wasn't merely shaken, he was scarred. for life, even. when we talk of occupational hazards in the animation business, we think: hand cramps, headaches, blurring vision, hypothermia (it's freezing in toei), you know, stuff like that. things like getting clawed by bilbo baggins don't really come to mind. @_@ the poor guy! he looked agonized. i mean, wouldn't you be?

---------------

and that's it for now. ^____^ i LOVE my job.

what's it all about?

2005-12-05T07:11:00.002-08:00

last night was...hmm...what's a good word to describe somebody simply NOT getting the point? stupid? frustrating?

sunday evening i went online so that mom and ate could chat and we could watch the antics of my 8 month-old niece. amidst the shrieking, laughing (she doesn't giggle, she guffaws), and running around (she can take about 5 steps without falling over--i'm so proud!), well, the subject came around once again to my job. i've mentioned how blissfully attached i am to TOEI (in spite of the fact that this morning some whackjob left his mess on MY table and even doodled on my name "tag" on the lightbox--you will PAY for that, whoever you are). all right, enough with the side-comments...i'm very happy with my job; it's my dream job, something i've been working for since highschool. apparently, however, my older sis and my bro-in-law just don't seem to get it. they're still pushing for me to get out of TOEI and on to japan or the states or something. anywhere but here, in the philippines. my sis sounds so dismayed that the starting salary of TOEI for regulars is "low". that's why it's called a start, di ba?

i'm thankful my mom is finally beginning to understand that animation isn't a business to get into if all you're after is money. go find a call center or something if you want to get rich without feeling fulfilled or making use of God's gifts (talents). i knew this was what He gave me the moment i picked up a pencil and started doodling. and when i improved, i realized i wanted to make cartoons. specifically anime. but my sis (and i think my bro-in-law has a BIG hand in this insistence) seems to want me to get a job that pays more.

but i AM getting paid. i'm making use of my greatest skills. it's not much to boast about, i know, but it's mine. and this is what i want. i've wanted this for so long, and now that i've got it they're making plans for me to LEAVE it?

honestly, when are they going to understand? has life gotten so boring for them that all they can think about is making more money?

i understand their concern. i know life's hard. it's hard to make a living. but i don't think it's that hard to LIVE. dreams may be intangible, but if you don't have any dreams, what do you have when your life is spent and you're about to leave everything behind? dreams fuel you, they give you a reason to fight, to strive, to LIVE. why crush them? why use 'reality' as an excuse to destroy someone's dreams? dreams aren't just kids' stuff. they exist so that we can make this world a better place to live in.

it's not about how much you get, it's about what you do with it.

and on the practical side, who says you can't support a family with an animator's pay? my trainer has a family. and he doesn't seem to be suffering. if he needed a better job that paid more, he wouldn't have stayed ten freaking years in TOEI. i won't be rich, but i'll sure as hell be comfortable enough. and, more importantly, i'll be HAPPY.

so what's it REALLY all about? your life. your answer. think about it.

gone back home

2005-12-02T08:10:00.000-08:00

this post is dedicated to my friend, Ma. Lourdes Dominique B. Tuason. she passed away yesterday morning.

i got the news before i reached my workplace. i don't know why, but i don't think i felt grief at first. i think it was more of relief that her suffering finally ended. she had a rare kind of brain cancer. it ate away at her year after year after year. and no matter how many times they performed surgery to remove the tumor, it just kept growing back, and it wouldn't go away even though we were praying so hard for it to disappear somehow. if anyone deserved a miracle, it would have to be dom.

i've been told that nobody can be that pure. whatever that means. nobody can be so true and good and accepting. nobody's that good. well, dom wasn't perfect, but she was definitely good. she accepted people regardless of how evil they make themselves out to be. she usually just laughed off their shortcomings, or seemed genuinely shocked at how vulgar some of them could get, but she never turned anyone away. i remember a lot of times we'd talk about so-and-so and how crass he/she could get, and then she'd giggle, which would usually get me started laughing because the whole thing would seem so trivial then. nobody could really be that bad, or so she believed.

never really figured out why, of all people, she chose to spend most of school's free time with me and a select few other friends. maybe she saw something in me that i couldn't really see. something that was actually good? i don't know. but i realize i'm grateful for all those times. another thing i remember about dom was that we'd spend a lot of time trying to figure out all those damn math problems. she'd usually ask me to explain the latest lesson. it was a classic case of the blind leading the blind. -__-0

about her illness, she NEVER complained. sometimes she'd say her head hurt, but she never showed any outward signs. i never really knew about an ache if she didn't say anything about it first. i don't know how she dealt with it. i have a mild form of psoriasis, a skin disease that causes extreme dryness and itching. and i complain a lot about it, about how i wish i didn't have it and how annoying it is and how much of a pain it was. i kept forgetting that i had a friend who had something far, far worse, and who NEVER complained, never cursed God and asked Him why she had it. she just accepted. and she'd just smile.

i went to the wake today. i didn't think i'd cry because she and i didn't quite stay in touch after highschool, but then her mom and i embraced, and we both started crying, and when i saw her in the coffin i couldn't help it anymore. i started to cry, and i couldn't really stop. how do you deal with losing a friend who would accept you no matter what you turned out to be? no matter how long you've been away? and while the rest of the world doesn't know it...how do we deal with losing a shining example of what we're supposed to be?

well, i'm to attend the eulogy tomorrow. i don't know if i'm supposed to say something about dom, but if i were to say something to her now it would be thanks for showing me kindness and acceptance. i'm glad to have known you and shared great times with you. no more pain, dom. you've gone back home. ^_^

. . . you better teach me how to use those wings if i make it there, too. ok? ^_~

what goes down must come up?

2005-11-30T05:18:00.000-08:00

blllaaaaarrrrgh.

yesterday we celebrated TOEI Phil.'s 19th anniversary. the company treated its entire team to a late lunch at 'Something Fishy'. if i had known, i probably wouldn't have eaten lunch at all, or just had a light snack. we had pancit (typical, for long life), tuna, pusit, salmon, lengua, kangkong with bagoong, and tempura. that, coupled with a lot of laughs, made a great late lunch.

on the way home, however, i started feeling a little...uncomfortable. i couldn't figure out why or what it was that was making me feel a bit sick. when i finally got home, my stomach felt really, REALLY bad. about an hour or so later...well. what went down came up and over my bedroom floor. >_<

well, it was gross, of course. simply put, the kangkong was the culprit. that and a lot of gas. ugh.

felt a lot better today, though i could sense my stomach hadn't fully recovered. the funny thing about it is that almost everyone i asked felt nearly the same way when they got home, including our trainer, sir eugene (aptly nicknamed 'kakashi', for the sleepy-eyed, cool ninja fellow from 'naruto'). one of my fellow trainees admitted he took diatabs when he got home. that's how bad it was. even ace and some of the others felt queasy for a while.

------------------------
speaking of our trainer, congratulations to all of the employees of TOEI that were given the 'Most Outstanding Employee' awards! sir eugene was one of them, and in the short time i've known him as a teacher, i think he deserves it. imagine meeting deadlines and putting up with an insane bunch of newbies. ("sir, pa-check ng IB!", "sir, ok na ba 'to?", "sir, ilang years na kayo sa TOEI?", "sir, may pag-asa ba kami maging IB-er din?", "sir, sinong favorite character niyo?", "SIR!!!!!") *ROFL*

swerte, makakapunta sa japan ang top 3. heeee, sana regular na rin kami.

haaay...another long weekend

2005-11-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

people might start to think i'm too much of a workaholic for lamenting the fact that monday's some kind of holiday, but i do love my training, and i can't wait to get back to work. i have another reason for wanting to go to work, but that's for me and a select few to know. ^_~

there's just not much to do here, and i've been bored witless. i know that i probably just lack the imagination to find stuff to occupy myself with, and that if only our little town here was as safe as it had been when the gates were still closed and murderers, thieves, and kidnappers still couldn't just waltz in, i could probably go out and have coffee or beer with a friend or two. once again, thanks very much to mayor jun bernabe for opening our gates to asswipes from all over who slit throats. you've peppered our lives with so much excitement. we should return the favor someday.

sayang at hindi masyadong uso ang lynch mob dito, no?

at any rate, i'm going out with my ma tomorrow to alabang. she's going to shop. i'm going to watch. -wry laugh- i'm planning to go out with friends this coming saturday to do some early xmas shopping someplace cheaper than alabang. MUST SAVE.

and i've lost my writing rhythm...hehe..bukas nlang ulit. that's it for the monster. night, folks.

mga kababayan ko

2005-11-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

i've just read a friend's blog, and what happened to her recently disgusts the shit out of me.

apparently, there's a scam going around on the streets. watch out for jeepneys and other public utility vehicles, like FXs. they'll purposely ram into you, then try to make it look, sound, and feel like your fault and demand money. when you refuse, the drivers will resort to intimidation and demand your license. they'll even pound on your window. when that doesn't get you, they'll try to ram you again. when you complain to the MMDAs, you'll find out that they're part of the whole scam. they'll take your license. if you cough up money just to avoid the hassle of getting your license, the damned MMDAs will split the cash with the driver who rammed into you. ladies, watch out. i know they'll be targeting female drivers. someone i care very much about got into a small accident too, and the asshole who rammed into her demanded money. since she was alone against that whackjob and an entire crosswind full of his shitkicking friends, she had no choice.

that's not right. that isn't what we were taught. those aren't the values we're supposed to believe in.

sa inyong mga putang-inang driver kayo: isang araw mananagot kayo sa lahat ng ginagawa ninyo ngayon. wala na ba kayong takot sa Panginoon? puro pera't panggagago na lang ba ang laman ng mga napakakitid niyong utak? at kayo, mga walang-kwentang MMDA, sana sumabog ang mga ari niyo't magmukha kayong unggoy na chinuchupa ni satanas. mga hayop kayo, mga baboy!

you'll get what's coming to you. whether in this life or in the next, you'll get what's coming to you. you are part of the cancer that's eating away at this country, you're part of the reason we can't live a decent life anymore, the reason everyone wants to leave, the reason i am finding it harder and harder to find pride in being a Filipino. you will be the reason your own children will forsake you and hate you, and you will be the cause of your own downfalls.

and you're probably so devoid of conscience that you can con your countrymen and still hear mass on sundays and believe that your God doesn't know what you do. ang kakapal ng mukha niyo.

well, i hope your little P500 makes you happy. i hope that any amount of money you make off of your countrymen will keep you nice and warm in hell. enjoy what time you have while you're alive, because where you're going, no one can be bribed to release you from the shithole you've put yourselves in.

and the war goes on!

2005-11-25T18:30:00.000-08:00

in my previous entry, i talked about my aunt and her 'delightful' personality. i also talked about how she and my mum don't get along--the understatement of the century.

well, my aunt left yesterday, decidedly pissed off at my ma, who finally lost what little patience she has in her little vault of the stuff and told her directly that she couldn't stay here in this house indefinitely and that she had to go on to where her Mother General told her to go--which is what most nuns usually do, being nuns and all.

my aunt, being a nun AND something else entirely, drags out the old skeletons and mouths off to the maids that she can't understand why my ma feels she can kick her out of the house when the house "doesn't belong" to us. at a dark point in our lives, when i was just a kid and my parents had a lot of problems, my aunt's order helped us pay for the house. so, because the nuns paid for a fraction of the total cost of the house, we "don't own it", according to my aunt.

she's done and said many other things that don't really bear repeating. let it suffice to say that she's been sarcastic and insulting to the household help the entire week, she's hurled innumerable side-comments, she's actually lied to various people about equally various things, and she's inconvenienced more people than Saddam Hussein, all safely from behind the holy veil of her nunhood.

who says we're stuck between heaven and hell? heck, we're neck deep in Satan's crap because of attitudes like this. there are so many aspects of my aunt that are so nasty i shudder at the fact that we're related. i know i'm sarcastic, but i'm WAAAY outta her league.

i'm trying to be optimistic and hope that she changes her attitude, but i doubt it's going to happen, really. she's too old to change, and too set in her mind that she's always right and we're always wrong. or at least that my mother is always a bitch. my mum and i argue a lot, we're the eternal debaters, but she and i have left the warzone and aren't anywhere near it these days. there's a flag of truce up between us. but between my ma and my aunt is a field full of mines, and one day someone is going to be angry enough to set it all off.

i'm starting to plant a few mines myself. yep, my aunt pisses me off too. i'm not a saintly person, but dang, i'm not this bad either. seriously, nobody should be.

the new aargh

2005-11-20T05:57:00.000-08:00

greetings from the disgruntled, sarcastic puppy of doom!

at any rate, this is where i'll be posting my random raves and rants and whatevers. friendster just isn't my thing. no offense to the guys who actually run friendster. for those of you who ran into this blog of blah just now, you can read my previous posts on http://aargh.blogs.friendster.com/aargh (not that my posts are profound. they're anything but. however, if you're curious then by all means check it out. >;])

and now on to the good stuff...

my aunt is sleeping over here tonight. i don't know if i mind or not, but my mother certainly does. they've been at each other's throats for eons. never liked each other from the start, but were disinclined to show it. as a result, they're practically bursting at the seams for a chance to gnaw at each other. they just can't do it. diyahe e. you all know how pinoy society is, right? and how we can't just scream at each other, especially if we happen to be related. so ayan, there they are. hating each other but pretending not to, with both knowing that they do.

i'm not even going to bother asking if that made sense.

to get back to them, well, i think what pisses my mother off the most about my aunt is that she hoards my dad all to herself, thinking that just because she's his older sister he'd bend over backwards to accomodate her every whim. which i believe is unfair because he's got a life, too. mom's reasons for hating her are a little suspect as well, since she's the one most inconvenienced by her presence. imagine disliking someone over who gets to use the car. -shakes head-

what i find most unsettling about my aunt is that she seems obsessed with death. her own and every other old person's. it's like that's the only damn thing she talks about the whole time. when she first started talking about it, i thought it was just a phase. now i think she's gone nuts. she wants to stay until wednesday; probably hoping to use our car during one of the next two days. mom's bouncing off the inner walls of her cranium, and she's repeatedly warning my dad not to give in.

the funny thing about this whole ordeal is that my aunt is a nun.

life's so full of these little twists and turns, isn't it?

if there's another thing i don't like about my aunt, it's that she never comes right out and says what she wants. she always makes parinig, then tells everyone else how awful we are if we don't get the friggin' hint. perversely, when we do offer her exactly what she wants, she'll refuse it! that's what i hate. it's happened so many times, i think i've grown quite numb. there was one instance she said something disparaging about my family that i froze with anger. had to control myself. my friends know how vile my temper is, so they'd also know what inhuman effort i had to exert just to avoid biting her head off. respect one's elders they say, but that can only go so far.

want to know another 'funny' thing about this? my mom always complains about my aunt, and my dad, the poor, patient, silently suffering man, simply keeps quiet. but complain just once about mom's siblings and she bites your head off.

the world is not fair at all. it sucks that things are like this. and all the while i'm ranting, i know i myself can be blind to my own imperfections. i can be unfair and devious and underhanded. i can feel guilty one night, and completely uncaring the next morning. guess it's human nature. but i try to control it, and i think my conscience is still in acceptable working condition (though i was so tempted to skip out on paying for a half-ziti at sbarro's...bad me.)

that's it for the monster. g'night. :)